Shyness is just egoism out of its depth. –Penelope Keith
Earlier, I thought shyness to be a trait.
Like some people are introvert. Some extrovert. And some others ambivert.
So, some people are shy and some confident.
And that is why I never realized the need to change this trait of mine.
But, the other thoughts that hovered my mind- why do I always get envious of confident people? Why do I find them intimidating?
Made me realize that shyness is not a trait but a weakness. And I called it a trait probably because of my ego. I did not want to admit to myself that there’s something wrong with me.
But, eventually, I did.
And trust me, I feel a lot better.
I know that you’re also fighting with these thoughts of shyness being a trait or a flaw.
But, take it from me, it is a defect in your personality. It is a hindrance in your personal and professional growth.
And you must get over it as early as possible.
And before I start, I’d want to tell you that yes I think that shyness is a defect. But, do not worry, it is not only you.
So, here are some interesting tips on how to overcome shyness and become so much more confident.
- Find the Root Cause
- Get Rid of Perceptions
- Love Yourself
- Don’t Seek For Other’s Approval
- Be Apprised Of Your Strengths
- Practice Social Skills
- Take Challenges
- Groom Yourself
- Set Small Goals
- Be Optimistic
- Enhance your Knowledge
So, In The First Place, Why Are You Shy?
Go on a quest to find out why you are shy.
Is it your belief that makes you think this way about yourself?
Is there a particular situation or group of people you feel shy around?
Do you over think about every little action and reaction?
Do you have a low self-image?
Are you excessively self -conscious?
Do you self-evaluate negatively?
These questions will help you find the key reason behind your shy nature.
It will help you sort out the problem in a better way. And, once you’ve identified the root cause, you can now work towards flushing it out.
Change Negative Perceptions- For Your Sake!
Do you remember the saying- “We become what we think.”
We often end up building perceptions for ourselves. Some of which are the result of our own thoughts while some emerge as a result of others’ opinions.
For instance- if you are surrounded by people who constantly call you shy, you’ll end up thinking the same. You’ll start believing it to be true for yourself.
Gradually you’ll become habitual of seeing yourself from others eyes. Which isn’t right. Because you are unique, and no one in the world has the right to decide for you. Be your own master. Choose what you think is right for you.
So, to become more confident get rid of this habit ASAP. Or you’ll soon become what people think about you and not what you are ought to become.
Love Your Individuality
Be kind towards yourself. But, do not confuse kindness with selfishness.
Appreciate yourself for how you handle things and trust your uniqueness.
Loving oneself doesn’t mean to become self-centered. Neither it’s about getting offended when someone tells you about your faults. Instead, it’s about taking care, pampering, and being concerned about oneself. And even if someone pinpoints you, take it gracefully, think over the reason behind their comment, and work on it.
Stop Being A People-Pleaser
Yes you should be kind and nice to everyone. But, if you are always trying to please everyone around, you’ll amass frustration, negativity, and dissatisfaction.
Like if you think a particular dress goes well for the occasion, go for it. Don’t wait for everyone’s approval. Trust me. Life is too short for that. Also, self-driven people are more satisfied and at peace with their lives.
As far as you’re actions are not intended to harm anyone, you can go ahead and do as you wish. It’s your life so live it the way you want. There is no need to have everyone’s signature on your wish list.
Give A Bear Hug To Your Strengths
Work on your weaknesses, but never forget to embrace your strengths.
Like everyone has weakness, everyone has strengths. Identify your strengths and feel confident about yourself.
Fully accept yourself for who you are and what you can do good, no matter if they differ from the norms. Like if you are good at singing but your sibling is a great painter. It doesn’t mean that you lag behind in any way. It simply means that you are different.
So, identify your strengths and focus on them. It will give a natural boost to your self-esteem. Eventually, your shyness will pass by, and you’ll feel more confident.
An additional tip: Write 5 things that you do the best. Keep the list to yourself and read it whenever you feel weak. Or, list 5 things that you wish to achieve. Chalk out way to achieve them. It will keep you on track and induce confidence and motivation.
Talk, Talk, Talk It Out!
Remember the last time when you met someone and learned something new. Yes, this is how it is. Every time we interact, we learn. You’ll either learn something new or become more familiar with that person. And who knows, they, too, might learn something from you.
So, step forward and talk. Be open to a conversation. And who cares if it doesn’t go well? You can’t become a pro all at once. Neither you’re expected to like or be liked by all of them. Take some chances and meet new people.
The more you’ll practice and experience, the more you’ll learn.
Go for it!
Dare to Come Out of Your Shell
When was the last time you did something out of the box (something that forced you to come out of your comfort zone)?
See, you can get rid of your shyness bit by bit. It cannot be like someday you’ll wake up and everything will be changed. No, that’s not the way. The only way is building confidence and trust in oneself. And which should be done gradually and steadily.
Before getting rid of your shyness and hesitation, try getting rid of your anxiety, fear of failure and rejection, and fear of humiliation.
But how will you do that? How to overcome shyness when it has been with you since ever?
As I have already said, by taking risks, by coming out of your comfort zone, and by practicing new things.
To make it doable, here’s how you can start –
- Learn new skills- like a foreign language, an instrument, reading, or cooking. Make sure that you have an interest in whatever you choose.
- Go for the things that scare the shy you. If you’re afraid of applying to the top colleges because you might find the crowd intimidating- don’t. Don’t stop yourself from anything good that comes your way.
Whatever you choose, keep a check that it should be something new, different, and challenging.
You must be wondering what a shower, beautiful dress, and touch-up can do to build your self-confidence?
But take it from me, it does make a difference. Recall those times when you went to a party wearing your best outfit and people couldn’t take their eyes off you.
Didn’t you feel special?
Wasn’t everyone trying to approach you?
Okay one more thing, fill this blank with one name that comes to your mind first.
_____________ is a well-groomed person.
See! You still remember him/her. And it’s all because of the impression their personality left on you.
So, pay attention to yourself, look good and feel good. Don’t underestimate this tip while you work on building your confidence.
Set Bite-Sized Goals
Setting goals is crucial to achieve what you desire. But don’t shoot for stars. Set small and realistic goals for yourself.
For instance- something like you’ll express your thoughts more confidently and quickly. Set this as your goals for a week, then add to it by deciding that you’ll try initiating a conversation with 5 people in a week. This way keep on adding something new to your goals list. Gradually, you’ll start feeling more accomplished and more confident.
Kill The Pessimist In You- And Care Nothing About The Guilt
The optimist and pessimist in you go hand-in-hand. So, be cautious of your self-talks. Like while on your mission to kill the shy soul in you, thoughts like – it’s hard, I think I am looser, I think I won’t be able to achieve it ever, might haunt your mind. Having these thoughts is natural, but how you deal with them, that’s where your focus should be.
So, the next time when such thoughts pop in, make yourself count the positive points like- you aren’t less in any way, you are different, you can achieve it. Have a positive outlook and respect your identity.
Above all, try putting your positive thoughts into action. For instance- if you believe in boosting your confidence, then perform. Feel it and approach people with positivity and confidence. Once you’ll do it, you’ll feel more content and accomplished.
Being knowledgeable lets you speak volumes. Also, it leverages your confidence, boosts your self-esteem, and makes you more expressive.
Upgrade your knowledge. Be a constant learner. Of course, you cannot be aware of everything. But, you must stay abreast of areas you’re interested in. Be inquisitive. And it’s obvious that when you have the knowledge you’ll be more confident.
Empowering your knowledge will revitalize your self-confidence, increase your competence, and enrich your personality.